On November 19, I lost my Grandmother. I was given to her by my mother when i was fourteen and my sister was about ten, and she became my mother. She was the rock of our family. Her house was the home base. You knew if you needed a place to sllep for the night, you could go there. You knew if you need a bite to eat, you could stop by her house. Every holiday and birthday was celebrated there, and thats how its always been. We dont have that anymore. Im at a very fragile stage in my sobriety because every death that has occured before I instinctively reached for a needle or some sort of drug to numb the pain.
With her death, being completely sober, I felt the beautiful feelings that come with something so painful its hard to describe. I felt this vice around my heart. An electricity through my veins. A pain so intense that it convinced me that there must be a soul inside of us. This time my pain was real. It was pure. It was beautiful.
I love you Ma I find comfort in the fact that you can finally rest and are no longer suffering.
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